The photo that graces the entrance to this post symbolizes the light of The Holy Ghost which testifies of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is like the sun which God maketh to shine upon all. But the dark clouds of doubt can obscure the sun. And when they do the Light of Christ may withdraw. The principle of moral agency is so important that our Father in Heaven who loves all of his children with a perfect love will force no one to heaven. His love transcends any that we may have. God in his infinite love allows all to choose for themselves. So let’s respect that eternal principle as we struggle to love those who have lost the light and left the Church.
We all know someone for whom this has become the present reality. It may be a friend or an acquaintance. For far too many it is a loved one, even a family member. Regardless of the circumstances, for those who have a testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ it is a great sadness. We grieve for those who leave the Church. For many it is a call to action as we feel the need do something, whatever we can, to save the lost sheep who has wandered out into the desert. We struggle to understand. It is often the struggle of a lifetime. It is the nature of that struggle that I wish to consider in this post. Whose struggle is it? What are the consequences of a choice to abandon the gospel and leave the Church? What can we do? What should we do? What are our resources and how can we access them?
While I am the author of this post. I am not a spokesman for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, , nor am I a psychologist or other accredited expert. Let’s get that out of the way right now. So what am I? I am a religious and political philosopher who cares deeply about this issue. And very importantly, I also once stepped away from the light. I was inactive for more than 30 years. I was fortunate because I never lost my testimony. But I felt inadequate and unworthy for personal family reasons. I had lost a son to suicide and during the aftermath of the suicide I lost my temple marriage. That is not an excuse, nor is it our business to learn with any degree of specificity the details of one’s departure from activity. The reasons are myriad and unless our friend or loved one volunteers that information it will not solve the issue at hand. Never the less, an open and caring relationship devoid of criticism is important. We all need to express our feelings and sometimes it is the key to understanding and the map of the road back home. And for every person who has ever received the testimony of the Holy Ghost about the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ the road back is indeed “the road home”.
The first and most important aspect of dealing with the heartbreak of someone that we know and love who has lost the light, or even left the church, is to understand that God also mourns and is anxious to assist us in our endeavors on their behalf. Remember that Our Father in Heaven has said that it is, “My glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man”. Thus, since we are united with Him, our efforts must also reflect His will. I think that means that we should seek to know God’s will as we act. It is the Holy Ghost that converts us to the gospel of Jesus Christ and it is the Holy Ghost who will bring us back if we have strayed. And the Holy Ghost will not operate with any degree of compulsion. That is paramount because if God will force no man to heaven then who are we to step on that path?
When someone has stepped away from the Church or lost their testimony it is almost always due to something negative that has gotten into their life, or their mind. It may be doubts sown by opponents of the Church. It may be a personal disaster, death of a loved one, or any of the vicissitudes of life. The most frequent element of such negativity is the evil of contention. It is when we seek after positive influences and eliminate the negativity of contention and so forth that we cultivate an atmosphere in which the Holy Ghost can testify to us. While we may seek to promote such conditions for the object of our concern who has left the Church, it is of paramount importance that we also seek it for ourselves as we attempt to help that person. I am going to suggest that we have the recipe for that mental and spiritual atmosphere in the 13th Article of Faith of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: http://We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.
Indeed, whenever we endeavor to understand or solve a problem we can set the stage by following the 13th Article of Faith, but that is not enough. We must also study it. Learn as much as we can about whatever it is that we seek the Lord’s help with. That lesson is the subject of one of Joseph Smith’s revelations from Our Father in Heaven. It was intended for Oliver Cowdery who desired to translate the metal plates as Joseph was doing. But he had failed. Joseph Smith inquired of the Lord on Oliver’s behalf and received the following revelation: http://”But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.” Doctrine and Covenants 9:8 What wonderful advice! God delivered the key to preparing oneself to receive promptings of the spirit and other revelatory messages. This is because we cannot understand that which we are not prepared to receive. Elder S. Michael Wilcox gave a beautiful explanation of how we must have a place in our heart for the Lord to leave a message: https://www.ldsliving.com/Why-It-Took-God-30-Years-to-Answer-My-Prayers-About-My-Father-Leaving-Our-Family/s/87260 Read it and you will understand an eternal truth about messages from the Holy Ghost.
So study it out in your mind. Ponder what you know about your friend or loved one. Ask of God if you lack wisdom: http://James 1:5 And follow the promptings that you receive. But know that the decision belongs only to the lost sheep and not to the shepherd. Know also that things happen in God’s time which is not our time. We can provide the loving atmosphere from which contention and negativity flees. Our prayers, love unfeigned which is charity. or the true love of Christ will help to prepare the way.
God Bless you in your efforts. One never knows the words or the act that will open the door to the spirit. So keep loving and trying. I will tell you the words that led to my own return to activity. The Church in Salt Lake City began looking for me by writing to family members asking them to contact me to see if I would accept visitors from the Church. I said yes and missionaries began to visit. The Elder’s Quorum in my ward sent home teachers. They came for two or three years until one Saturday evening a lady missionary asked about when I might return to Church. She said, “Maybe if you pray about it you might feel differently.” After the missionaries left I was thinking about a hymn. The first line is, “Prayer is the soul’s sincere desire, uttered or unexpressed.” And I thought that if I had been thinking about it, maybe I had also been praying about it…in a certain way. The next morning when I awoke I got dressed and went to sacrament meeting and I have been there ever since. I feel great about it and love the missionaries and home teachers who so faithfully visited my home. God loves that missionary. Her remark was inspired as was my response to it. Why did it take 30 years? That’s a different question and maybe not the one that will bring our loved one back to the Church.
Perhaps the best advice that I can give is contained in the words to a hymn that has filled my heart with joy as I think of those in my family and within the Church, even the missionaries and that dear sister who uttered those words to me. It is hymn number 224 in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Hymnal:
Text: Mary B. Wingate, b. 1899 Music: William J. Kirkpatrick, 1838–1921
God Bless those who need our love. May we be His true under-shepherds is my prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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